-
January 1, 2025-President George Y. Bush, the clone of former president George W. Bush, the son of former president George H.W. Bush, announced this morning, “We done made the pie higher, counted our chickens and blessed our eggs in the basket.” While some people were smiling and nodding and pretending to understand the President’s enigmatic sentences, many more have given up all hope of understanding him.
January 2nd will mean the resumed oil drilling in many of the National Parks, a practice started by the President’s clone and still condemned by everyone not involved with the oil business. Tomorrow also means the opening of America’s 100th nuclear power plant, located in the “expendable” state of Delaware (President Bush might have meant “exceptional” state of Delaware, but frankly, this reporter is tired of translating his comments). This opening comes on the anniversary of the small nuclear disaster (or “mishap,” depending on whom one is talking to) in what was once the state of Connecticut, now home to the country’s largest radioactive wasteland.
Maybe “wasteland” is too strong a word. According to the locals there, all three hundred of them, the three-eyed fish and six-legged deer populations are flourishing and people are preparing for the opening day of the flying rabbit hunting season. President Bush has tried to allay the public’s fears about another nuclear power plant operating in America by talking about how the electricity generated will go to serve many poorer schools. He said in a recent press conference, “The expantionation of electrical proliference will certainify that all our national children will be above average.”
The proof of their genius will be their choice of retirement planning. The parents of this generation, who followed George W.’s advice to gamble on their future with high-risk investments, were the victims of the "pogo-stick stock market” of the 2010s. While some lucky new millionaires will be retiring to Boca Raton, many others will be investigating the burgeoning refrigerator-box retirement communities that have sprung up under bridges across America..
In other news, a new technique utilizing DNA samples answered an age-old question: yes, Strom Thurmond had been cloned (twice actually), with each new one drooling more than the last. And speaking of genetic technology, Congress moved closer to passing an amendment that would ban any attempts to clone humans on the grounds that America cannot support another President Bush. The public agrees, expressing the opinion that the first President Bush was a mistake in judgment, the second Bush was an accident, and the third Bush was only elected because voter disinterest was so great that only the members of the Bush clan bothered to vote.
©2003By M.E. It's ok to look, but just don't touch. Or steal for that matter.
